Tallulah 2009 - 2024

I've had this post on the back burner for a little while, and I hoped and prayed that it would be an eternity before I had to post it, but it wasn't to be, my beautiful girl passed away at home this morning.

When she came to live with us she was about the size of old fashioned powder puff, but despite her diminutive size, she was fierce, she spent most of the first 24 hours hiding, and hissing at us and our other cats at the time, Jasper and Jake, who was petrified of her.

The next day she was a different cat, still a touch wary and prone to hiding but she became a cuddlebug, a tiny ball of fluff that demanded attention and her own way, and whilst she increased slightly in size her personality never changed - she was noisy, stubborn, and probably the most jealous cat that I've ever met but she was mine and I loved her, her quirky ways and her silky black fur. beyond words. 

Tallulah

2009 - 2024

And Then There Were Two...

I said in one of my previous posts (you can read it here) that things tend to happen in threes, well that statement has certainly come back to haunt me. After a broken phone, and a broken tooth I asked the questions what else could go wrong so early in the year, well how about you throw a broken heart into the mix as well.

Jake, my chubby, stripy, spotty, soft, and lovable tabby - if you followed me on Twitter for a while, then you'll know that for the last few years my beautiful boy has had a few health problems which every now and then need a little bit of surgical intervention. If you're a pet owner then you'll know that, it can be pretty stressful when your fluff ball is unwell but with this one he always seemed to come out the other side as right as rain and clamouring for cuddles and food, so when he had to go to the vets yesterday for the usual procedure we weren't any more worried then normal. We left him at the surgery and we were told to ring up after 4 if we hadn't heard anything, as I say we weren't too worried so we just got on with our day, I did some editing and early in the afternoon, Mummy Lou went to the hairdressers, she'd barely been back in the house 5 minutes and the phone rang..

To put it bluntly when they'd sedated him for his surgery Jake's breathing hadn't been right, so they examined him and then gave him a scan and found that his lungs were full of fluid, and there was a large tumour in his chest. We then had to make the hardest decision that a pet owner has to make, but in the end there wasn't really a choice, draining his lungs would have given him a week at most, and ultimately he may have ended up being in pain, so we made the decision to let him slip away peacefully and without pain.

To say our hearts are broken is an understatement, and at the moment the 11 and a half years that we spent with him seems nowhere near long enough, he was a beautiful boy to look at his marking were symmetrical, and perfect, and his personality was damn near perfect too, he was a touch stubborn, be he loved strokes, snuggles, and snuffles but his real love wasn't us it was food, from luncheon meat, to sausages to chicken you name it and he would eat it, and he would steal it (that's why we have child locks on our fridge!)

The last few years with him were hard at times (and dare I say it a bit smelly) and I can't say I didn't always fear the worst every time he went to the vets but the fact that the tumour wasn't in any way related to the health problems that he'd been having, makes it a little bit more unexpected. but at the same time just as painful.

Animals are perceptive beings - from the minute the phone rang it was almost as if these two knew that something was wrong, in a strange way I think they realised that he'd gone but they're still wandering around the house looking lost, almost as if they're looking for him. I'm sure they will both be a great comfort to both each other though, and us in the weeks and months ahead.

So many people say that they're just animals but they're not- they really do become part of the family and yesterday I lost a little part of mine and a little bit of my heart too - Rest in peace Jake xxx

A Sad Life Update - Losing A Pet - 4 Becomes 3

I try not to do too many personal posts now but I wanted to share my news and my experience with you.

I know we have just under a month to go but it's safe to say that I can't wait to see the back of 2016. If you follow me on any of my other social media channels (links in the sidebar) you'll know that last week was pretty horrible.

It started off okay but from Tuesday onwards everything went much downhill. My beautiful Persian cat, Jasper stopped eating, I tried to tempt him with a Dreamies treat which he ate with such ferocity, that he ended up biting into my right index finger. I've had cat bites and scratches before but this one was a bit different, the pain was horrendous and my finger went bright red and swelled up.

A trip to urgent care (round of applause to the NHS by way - great service!) was on the cards, and after a thorough clean, dressing, and a tetanus jab I returned home to a poorly cat with two lots of antibiotics to combat any infection I may have gotten. I think I'm going to end up with a scar but at the time I was more concerned about my ginger boy.

He had several health problems and over the next few days he steadily deteriorated but he wasn't in any pain and we hoped open hope, that he would pass away peacefully in his sleep, but being the stubborn cat that he was, he held on till Saturday morning, when me and my mum made the decision to say our goodbyes and take him to our local vets for the final time.

What can I say about Jasper, the fluffiest, most stubborn, most loving, most laid back and most complicated cat that I've ever met. He came into my life nearly 13 and a half years ago, when I was dealing with the loss of my dad and the two Siamese cats that I had since I was little, my life was in turmoil, and the little furry faced man made things better in an instant. Even with three cats now the house is just that little bit quieter - Charlie keeps running up stairs and looking in all of the rooms, and Tallulah and Jake are jumping up, running and waking up at even the slightest sound.

I know a few people who've said to me that they can't or won't have pets because they can't deal with losing them but I think that's the wrong way to look at it. Pets teach you so much about life, yes they teach you how to deal with loss, and they teach you responsibility but they also teach you about love. An animals love is unconditional, they ask for so little in return for years and years of love and companionship. I know it sounds strange to some people but animals really do become a part of your family, they see you at your best and at your worst, and there always there when you need a furry, feathery or scaly shoulder to cry on, or someone to vent too.

We're hurting at the moment but the pain will ease and we have 13 and a half years of happy memories to cherish. Thank you so much for reading and for your lovely sympathy messages and comments, I really do appreciate them x I'm going to end this post with a picture I shared on all of my other social media accounts this week, it's so typical of the cat that he was, Jasper doing something that he shouldn't have been but with that look on his face that made you forgive him in an instant x

Sad News In LouLouLand

Me And My Godfather Around 1978 

Hi Guys x If you follow me on twitter then you already know that over the weekend I lost someone that was very dear to me, my Godfather x

Judging by the difficulty in finding Godparents, Godfather, or Godmother cards in the majority of card shops. Godparents perhaps don't seem to have the role in children's lives that they used to, but they certainly had, and have a role in mine.

Families are complicated in so many cases and my family is no different but my parents chose my Godparents from within the family, and I'm forever grateful that they chose my dads cousin and her husband.

They've supported, and been there for me in so many ways over the years, from attending school concerts and carol services (I was in the school choir believe it or not!), to spending Christmas with us every year, and ultimately being there with us on the night that my dad passed away. My Godparents were probably the family members apart from my mum that I'm the closest too and losing one part of that support team hurts.

Over the past few years things haven't been easy for them they were both well into their 80's and if you've follow me on any social network for a while then you'll know that they've had their fair share of health problems ranging from the big C, to my Godfathers stroke around this time last year.

You always think that the people that you love are going to be there for ever, but one of the certainties of life is that they won't be, and last week my Godfather was rushed to hospital, and instead of being released after a day or so, and declaring he was fine, in the early hours of Sunday morning with my Godmother at his bedside he peacefully slipped away

Thankfully my Godmother has has solid extended family group to support her but I can't imagine what it must feel like to lose your soul mate and your husband of over 60 years. Although like most family members we butted heads on occasions with rapidly differing views on certain topics and modern life, I will miss him terribly he was a firm stabilising influence in my life and a real gentleman to boot.

I won't be taking a specific blogging and You Tube break but my family is much more important to me at this moment in time, so posting and uploading may be sporadic for a couple of weeks. In reality you probably won't notice much of a difference but I thought I better keep you updated just in case I disappear for a while x Thanks for your kind words on social media,and thanks in advance for you support and understanding x

RIP A True Toon Legend

Today is a sad day for football, today we lost one of the true gentleman of football, Gary Speed. He had a long illustrious career as a player for Leeds, Everton, Bolton, and of course for my beloved Newcastle, and more recently as a manager with Wales his future looked as bright as ever. That's what makes his death so sad, it only goes to show that appearances can be deceptive. My deepest sympathy goes out to his family. Thanks for the memories Gary and may you rest in peace x

Loving, Losing, Coping, Moving On and Still Loving x

On the 5th November 2002 I lost one of the most important people in my life, my dad. If you've read my blog for sometime you'll know that I sometimes mention him on his birthday or the anniversary of his death but I've never really gone into any depth before. I don't think I'm really doing that here but who knows where this is leading. Writing this is the 4th November turns into the 5th I really miss him - losing my dad seemed to be the trigger for my life turning upside down, first there was the sadness and the inability to cope, and then there was the start of the illness nightmare, I was never going to win any awards for the healthiest person in the world but I was OK, just living a normal life and getting by, now well I'm surviving! I'm not going to lie I'm in a much better place than I was 9 years ago but those 9 years have been a steep learning curve, it's almost as if my life was placed in a huge blender, spun around and then spat it with some of the pieces missing, a very big piece as it happens.

My dad at my first graduation ceremony - he missed the second one by just 4 weeks something that saddens me to this day :( - he always preferred to be on the other side of the lens with his posh camera beside him so I don't have that many photographs of him - but I like this one despite the fact that he was in a suit and out of his comfort zone, and I'm digging the paisley tie despite the fact this was in 1999 :)

What can I say about him to someone who will never meet him, well he was commonly known as Big Les, he was well over 6ft tall, but don't let that fool you he was as good hearted and gentle as anyone could be, I guess one of his biggest faults was an inability to say no, if someone needed some new flooring put down, or a cabinet making he was there like a shot. Don't get me wrong when he did get angry you didn't want to be around him, that was rare though like I used to he bottled things up, he was a bit of a stress head if I'm being honest, everything worried him, even things he couldn't control, that's something I've inherited I guess. I've also inherited his enthusiasm be it for new jeans, new shoes, or even technology, he loved his hi-fi gear, his CK jeans, his Rockport Boots (before they became chavvy :) and his music. My mum doesn't get excited about things the way my dad did and I miss that. I know he was proud of me especially when I got my degrees, I just hope he's still proud of me, my life my not have gone the way any of us planned but I'm still trying to be best person that I can.

Like most people who have lost someone I often wonder what I would say to him now, at times over the years the words would have been angry, you were only 58 why did you leave me??? was a favourite but I guess it would be something I say in my head to him all the time I Love You And I Always Will x
Maybe that sums this post up really I'm sorry it's been a bit of a ramble but I guess what I really want to say is that time isn't really healer, all it does is teach you how to cope with you loss, and after 9 years I really hope I''m getting there - I found this poem on a blog a while ago - I'm sorry I can't remember whose it was and it just says what I'm trying to I guess - I've taken the text from here x

He Is Gone

You can shed tears that he is gone
Or you can smile because he has lived

You can close your eyes and pray that he will come back

Or you can open your eyes and see all that he has left

Your heart can be empty because you can't see him

Or you can be full of the love that you shared

You can turn your back on tomorrow and live yesterday

Or you can be happy for tomorrow because of yesterday

You can remember him and only that he is gone

Or you can cherish his memory and let it live on

You can cry and close your mind, be empty and turn your back

Or you can do what he would want: smile, open your eyes, love and go on.

David Harkins 1981

Silloth, Cumbria, UK

If you've stayed with this post until the end thank you so much for reading, and normal posting will resume soon - RIP Dad xxx

A Thank You and A Mini ELF Haul

Afternoon my loves - I'd like to start off by thanking everyone for the lovely messages and kind words I received yesterday both on Facebook and on Twitter. In case you aren't aware yesterday was the 8th Anniversary of my Dad's death - For some reason it was much harder than in a few previous years at various points yesterday I was in a bit of a mess, my head full of regrets and what if's, stupid I know but I was pretty down, never the less some quality time with my mum and my fur babies, your lovely messages and a lovely Thinking Of You card from my bestie really lifted my spirits - Thank You xx

Anways my mountains of online Christmas pressie parcels are starting to come through - shopping online really is a god send for me - I usually only manage a handful of proper Christmas shops so being able to buy things online is a huge help. I ordered a few goodies from ELF for various friends and rellies and I bought a couple of things for me

First up one of the shimmer eyeliner pencils in Twinkle Teal  - a gorgeous teal/green colour - I love this shade and have quite a few pencils in theis shade but this one irl has more green leanings


It seems really soft too, here is a little swatch x

I also ordered one of the new Christmas nail polishes in Glitter Glam

a super silver glitter, it needs quite a few coats to achieve solid glitter but it is pretty

3 coats swatched on white paper

Two little treats for me equalling only £3 :)
Any questions please ask xx

A Day Of Remembrance

Apologies in advance for the personal nature of this post but my blog has always been about expression of thought - normal posts will resume as soon as if you don't want to read this x
7 years ago today I lost one of the two most important people on my life - my dad. It's hard to believe it's been 7 years. So much has changed in my life since that awful night. I'm not the same person I know that for certain - experiences change you sometimes for the better, sometime for the worse - with me its hard to say. In some ways I grew up very quickly and matured from what was a 23 year old girl to what I am now a 31 year old woman with life experience, who had experienced pain and heartache but above all overwhelming love. 7 years seems such a long time and then sometimes it seems like the blink of an eye. I still remember sitting in the hospital in the night of November 4th / 5th listing to fireworks going off -maybe that's why they give me the creeps now - they say remember, remember 5th November - it's one date I am unlikely to ever forget now. My mum and I have planned a quiet day of reflection - we are going to go to the cemetery later to lay some flowers and then we are coming home to a nice curry I've made and a good bottle of wine. Time is no healer but it helps you to cope and above all accept - Rest In Peace Dad I'll love you always xx

Rememberance, Realisation and Reality - A Bit Of A Ramble ?

It's been a strange day so far in many ways. Today would have been my dads 65th birthday. My mum and I visited the cemetery this morning to put some flowers on the grave - I chose some lovely pink and white lillies -a beautiful flower with an unforgettable fragrance for an unforgettable person...Unlike some people I don't think I ever feel truly sad when I visit a cemetery - the one feeling that always comes out is love - all those beautiful flowers, teddy bears and windmills all symbolise how much people really are loved even when they are gone. I can't believe he's been gone nearly 7 years so much has changed in that time especially me - I'm a completely different person than I was then - I feel have grown up so much - I only hope that I've changed for the better...

Well I'm certainly a lot fatter than I was then - I have part on 3lbs since before Easter which is just a disaster I was doing so well and I am nearly back to square 1. Never mind I am starting again today by making some lovely Butternut Squash Soup - I am making a whole load so I can put some in the freezer for some healthy lunches and dinners which I can heat up when I haven't got much energy

Oh one plus today I didn't spend any money - I was really tempted by some bright, colour block vests from The Factory Bargain Shop at 2 for £10 but I resisted. I might have a wobble later on in the week though I am going for a pre birthday shopping trip hopefully on Thursday with my Godmother eek! I am definitely taking my New Look dress back so that might give me a tiny bit of money to play with ;) Oh another thing I am an avid hoarder of those magazine freebie sample sachets and I very rarely use them bar when I go on holiday, but today I tried a sachet of Maybelline Dream Satin Liquid Foundation - OMG I love this stuff ! My mum said I looked more healthy, and what had a done to my face ? Wow that is impressive for me, but what does that show if I look better in a drugstore brand of foundation as oppose to my usual MAC or Clarins foundation? Hmm maybe cheaper beauty is the way to go! I am going to try and pick some of this up on Thursday - Here's hoping for a special offer!!!