Wednesday 2 May 2018

Life Lately - You Are Stronger Than You Think

2018 YOU SUCK! and that dear readers is an understatement - I went AWOL and yet again I have not but several good reasons!

Over the last 10 days are so things have got progressively shitter in LouLouLand, it all started off a week past Monday when my MacBook wouldn't start up, basically exactly the same problem that caused me to take into get repaired way back in January, even though they won't admit it officially High Sierra is very glitchy on certain MacBook Pro Models! Thankfully the staff at my local Genius bar managed to get going again with only minimal data loss. Lesson to self - back up, back up and keep backing your data ! I went and bought an external hard drive and ever since then if I've changed anything, I've a backup just in case, I paid less than £70 but it's not so much about the money as the peace of mind.

I've was just getting into the groove, downloading things from my Cloud and installing a few programmes and apps, then bang, one of the worst things that could probably happen did!

On the early hours of Thursday morning my amazing was taken ill, I called an ambulance and she was immediately blue lighted into our local accident and emergency unit. I'm not going to go into too much detail but she spent around 4 hours having all different types of scans and tests before she was finally admitted to award. She's feeling a little bit brighter now but as yet we don't really know when she'll be coming home.

The NHS gets a lot of criticism, and the majority of it in my eyes is very unfair, so I just want to put this out there - Every person who both myself and my mum have came into contact with since last Thursday from the initial emergency handlers, to the paramedics, to the doctors, specialists, nurse, porters, and health care assistants has been amazing and both kind, and compassionate. The NHS isn't perfect for a lot of reasons but it's something that we in the UK should be immensely proud of and we all should be fighting to maintain the whole concept of "free" health to anyone that needs it. I don't think that some people realise just how important it is until they or some they love needs medical help.

So things have been pretty stressful, I've had so much to do, and I haven't been sleeping that well, and then low and behold something else went wrong! My heating broke! which meant no hot water and no heating. I don't usually feel the cold but maybe with being slightly in shock I was absolutely freezing! Thankfully we have an electric radiator upstairs, and an electric shower so I managed to just about keep warm, but I knew I'd have to do something so I ended up having to call out the heating engineer via my mams home service plan and by Sunday afternoon heat was restored.

I now it probably sounds like a little, and maybe silly thing to some but sorting out the heating was a really big deal for me. Maybe it's because of my illness I don't really deal with that sort of stuff that's my mam's domain and always has been even when my dad was alive. It's made me realise though that sooner rather than later I need to stop relying on people quite so much, and I need to start adulting properly. 

I'm an emotional person, and I wear my heart on my sleeve, I lack self belief, and self confidence and I've spent a lot of time think that I'm useless in every sense of the world but in the last 7 days especially I'm starting to think that maybe that isn't quite the case. Sometimes you need things to really test you before you realise just how strong you actually are.

My mam has always said that I'm stronger than I give myself credit for and at long last maybe I think she's on to something. It seems as though I've faced challenges and obstacles from day 1 with some health issues at birth, my facial nerve paralysis, bereavement, family illness and of course with my own current health problems, but lets be honest who hasn't had to overcome some sort of obstacles in their lives. As the saying goes what doesn't kill us makes us stronger and personally I'm coming through every test and challenge, no matter how big or small, a stronger and more resilient person.

Things are shitty and we all wobble occasionally or a lot, but we all know that Weebles wobble but they don't fall down, and after a crappy 10 days or so I'm still standing and although I've cried until I was sick, and really wobbled on occasions I'm pretty proud of myself with how I've dealt with everything that's happened. I was kicked hard but I stayed sensible and level when I needed to.

One of my biggest fears is being alone, and being an only child and a single lady heading into middle age being alone at some point could be a reality for me but lets be honest the majority of us are never completely alone. Okay, I might not have the type of relationship that you'd have with a partner, or that I currently have with my mum in the future, but from what I've found there are always people out there who have your back no matter what.

The love and support I've had from some of my closest friend, some of my online friends and from some of my family members over the last week has made all the difference in the world. Fine I'll always want a cuddle close relationship, but sometimes a simple text or a phone call can make everything just that little bit better in an instant.There will always be people who don't come through for you and whilst that hurts for a little while, from now on I'm more concerned with the people that care about me.

I can't say what the next few weeks, months or years hold for me but as I head towards a big birthday in a couple of weeks, I'm going to try and deal with whatever comes my way with a different mindset. Yes, I might be hurting, I might feel pain, I might laugh and I might cry but I KNOW that I'm a strong person underneath and I'll deal with whatever happens, when it happens, in the best way that I can.

I want to thank you for all the messages that I've had on my other social media channels, I really do appreciate all of your good wishes and I'm sure that my mam will as well x I was going to take a blogging break till all of this goes away but I've decided not to, I need something to take my mind of things so I'll still be posting as and when, and hopefully I should get at least one post by the weekend x Thanks again x  

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