70 Years Of Hurt Gone In An Instant, And A Lifetime Of Memories Brought To The Surface

      

Picture Courtesy Of Newcastle United 

It's safe to say that if you're of the black and white persuasion, the last 48 hours have been pretty crazy. Although I don't post about football anywhere near as much as I did in the early days of this blog, my love for Newcastle United has never really waned. I was initially going to post this as a tweet or a thread but it soon became apparent that there were too many words and feels for short form media.

On Sunday night, Newcastle United broke their 70 year domestic trophy drought, when they beat Liverpool 2-1 to win the Carabao EFL Cup. Like so many of my fellow fans I watched the majority of the game on tv through my hands, unlike my mam whose faith never waivered, I wasn't confident in the slightest and even when Big Dan Burn headed us in front I still didn't dare to dream, when Isak scored a second finally there was hope but then came VAR and the Liverpool goal, and goodness knows how many minutes of added time which was almost torturous, I was really starting to think that it's the hope that kills you, but we held on and when the final whistle blew I'll admit that like so many other fan that I cried, tears of joy, relief, and to be honest what could have been.

I know what some of you are thinking, it's just a game it's not that deep but for so many Newcastle fans or anyone that truly supports a football club it really is. Eddie Howe mentioned his late mum in his press conference, Alan Shearer talked about his late dad in a podcast and I've seen so many tweets and posts about people talking about family members that never got to experience what we have over the last few days.

Growing up where I did you supported Newcastle or Sunderland, whilst my dad had memories of watching games at both clubs, by the time I came along you had to choose, and my dad went with the boys in black and white, and my fate was sealed. Being a girl in the 80's first real football memory was Italia 90, I vaguely remember the penalty misses and Gazza's tears, even if I didn't quite understand what was going on - 2 years later though everything changed, and that was thanks to Kevin Keegan.

I remember the hope and the excitement when the hero returned, he miraculously kept us up that season, and the 92/93 season was when my obsession really started, I listened to games avidly on the radio, and watched them on tv when I could, and the season culminated in promotion to the Premier League, and a 7-1 home win against Leicester City. Me and some of my friends attended the promotion parade, which ended in the pouring rain outside Newcastle Civic Centre, there were people climbing trees, and up lamp posts to see the players and KK himself on the balcony, and the bus ride home was a cacophony of noise including 'if you're proud to be a Geordie be a tree.'

God This Photo Is Old Little Louise In Her Umbro Blue Star Top And Check Out The Black And White Scrunchies! 

Then like now tickets were hard to come by, the ground looked nothing like it does now, so I didn't actually attend my first proper Premier League game until the 3rd May 1995 when I was lucky enough to witness a 3-3 draw against Spurs, which included a goal by the legendary Jurgen Klinsmann. I attended the odd game here and there, and experienced everything from Keegan leaving, to the Andy Cole signing and then leaving and then the arrival of Alan Shearer, can you imagine what twitter would have been like in those days? given some of the meltdowns Newcastle fans have seen lately it doesn't bare thinking about.

We went through a few more managers and a couple of more comings and goings and then Sir Bobby returned and that coincided with me meeting a fellow fan, who would become one of my bestest and dearest friends, and I started going to games more regularly especially cup games thanks to her brothers season ticket, and after a long hiatus my dad and even my mam ended up going to a few games, sitting in the Platinum club as was!

'Big Les" AKA My Dad💔

At home me and my dad used to watch football on the television driving my mam mad at time, but the funny thing is we never actually went to a game together but for those of you who aren't aware of my story that should have changed on the 4th November 2002. My friend wasn't well so my dad took her ticket for the Middlesbrough game, but unfortunately he collapsed on the way to the ground, we never made it to the match that night, and my dad never made it home, passing away in the early hours of November 5th in the Freeman Hospital.

I guess things could have gone either way after that night, I could have continued to have been haunted by the memories of that fateful night, and rejected the noise, and the black and white shirts or I could carry on and continue doing something that I know he would love and I that I had grown to love - it comes as no surprise that  I chose the latter - I think it took a month or so before I went back to a game , and I'm not going to lie my stomach was churning, someone in front was wearing my dads aftershave Hugo Boss Dark Blue which I guess could have been a sign and the memories came flooding back soon though I was concentrating on the game, shouting at the referee, and moaning like I know my dad would have done.

Soon after that I got my first season ticket and several more followed it, I went on to witness the end of Sir Bobbys reign, Souness, Bowyer v Dyer, the Intertoto Cup win, a memorable for many reasons away win at West Ham, and of course Shearer breaking Jackie Milburn's record. My mam to her credit really tried to be enthusiastic and she still tries even if I do have to re explain the rules every now and then, and tell her again who Schar is, but I miss sharing things with my dad and doing an after match de brief before and after his Sunday lunch time pub trips.

The fun couldn't last though, Mike Ashley the billionaire that would hopefully take us to the next level arrived, and his arrival seemed to coincide with my own body giving up on me - after several low lows, relegation was the final straw, I was attending less and less games, my health was failing and I couldn't justify keeping my season ticket.

Supporting Newcastle through that was hard, although there were glimpses here and there of what could be, supporting a team that was happy with just existing especially when being so unwell was hard, I'd used football as a crutch at times, not only was it a link to my dad but it was a link to normality, how things used to be and it was fading away, especially when covid came on the scene.

Then like that everything changed again, there was talk of a takeover, I started engaging again with NUFC social media accounts, even arguing with the odd journalist here and there, but then hopes were dashed again but the fanbase mobilised we wanted change, we wanted to believe again, and finally on 7th October 2021 we had new owners and the hope and the pride was back. That was another emotional day I can imagine how excited my dad would have been and how he would have loved all the pub talk about signings and managers, and the whole morals and ethics of been owned by the Saudis and some more southern billionaires, and that was a feeling that was amplified when we qualified for the Champions League in 2023 for the first time in the 20 or so years since my dad had passed - that game was so emotional I went on twitter and whilst it can be a cesspit pretty much most of the time now, some of the comments and messages I got that night after sharing my story really soothed my soul.

So here I am we've won a trophy, and whilst my dad was lucky enough to see us win a couple, it was a experience that we never shared, we were together for 2 FA Cup finals, and we were both stunned as we threw away that 12 point lead, but this time when it mattered, it was just me and my Mam watching through our hands. I'm sure wherever he is though he was raising a glass along with so many other members of the toon army that we've lost along the way, and next time I go to visit his grave I'll tell him again about Bruno's tears, Burn's header, pump it up, Yasir, and Jamie with their winners shirts over their suits, the brilliance of Edward John Frank Howe, and why we as Newcastle fans have so many reasons to be excited for the future.

It's not just a game or a football team it's about the shared memories and experiences that it brings. Our lives change, we lose people, we meet new people, and we may even lose and find ourselves again along the way but if you support a team, that club is one of the few constants that we have and that's why it means to so much to so many, and why its so important that even in this world of billionaires, match day tourists, PSR, media rights, and You Tubers, that the true fans aren't left behind x 

Charlie 2011 - 2024

I can hardly believe that I'm writing this post, but just over a week ago now, our beloved Charlie bear passed away peacefully at home, curled up in his favourite cat bed.

He hadn't been himself for a little while but he was still eating and drinking, using his litter tray, and running away from Max, so we just thought it was down to his age, but as the days and hours went on we realised that he was nearing the end, we had an appointment made at the vets, but he didn't make it and crossed rainbow bridge, at home, safe with me, my mam and Max close by.

Since we only lost Tallulah in February and with the sad loss of my Aunt earlier this year, this one has hit extra hard. He was stubborn, aloof at times, and a complete cuddlebug when he felt like it, I'll miss his one of a kind personality, his loud rattly purr and his fabulous floofy tail. 

Out of all of the cats that we've had he was probably my biggest confidant, the amount of stuff I told this cat, I should be lucky that he couldn't talk or that we can't translate cat! When I was having having one of my regular spells of insomnia, he would lie on the bed, asleep and snoring usually but always there to provide some comfort and companionship.

So Max is now on his own - For the first few days he wandered around the house looking for him, running every time he heard a noise, now he seems more accepting, we let him see him when he'd gone which I think helped, but now he's in his clingy phase, always wanting to with us, and sleeping at night curled up next to me or my mam. He's never been an only cat in his life so we will more than likely end up getting him a friend, when everything feels less raw and painful.

Whilst I have been posting here and there on social media perhaps understandably I haven't really felt in the mood to blog and post about happier things but I'm going to try and regain some sort of normality starting next week and resume some sort of normal posting schedule, so thanks again for bearing with me and for all of your kind words elsewhere on social media x 

Collaborative / Partnered Post - Easy Ways To Reduce Stress And Improve Both Your Body And Your Mind *

I don't think that there is a person out there that hasn't experienced at least some level of stress or anxiety, and with the world the way it is, it's no wonder that mental health issues are the rise. Take little old me - I had it all planned out, on Sunday afternoon, I was going to open up my laptop, and get my blog on, as I always say though the plans of mice and men, and my Macbook had other ideas, it restarted itself a couple of times, and when I eventually got it going, it was only going at a snails pace - argh!. So new Macbook ordered we then realised that the heating wasn't working, yes we've had the heating on July, please don't judge lol - a new wireless thermostat is now on its way to us and that should hopefully fix the problem and even though it's only Wednesday, it's already been a pretty stressful and expensive week!

It doesn't need to be anything major or tragic, just living and dealing with the day to day can cause us no end of stress and anxiety and too much of it as I've recently discovered can be pretty detrimental to not only our mental health, but also our physical health. 

Whilst it pretty hard to stop stressful things happening to us, there are things that you can do, and small lifestyle changes that you can make, to help you alleviate and deal better with some of the symptoms of stress and anxiety, and to improve your over all wellbeing - nothing hard I promise, just little things that you can easily integrate into your everyday routine.

Unplug & Spend Time in Nature

Like most people of a certain age (Ahem;) one of the best memories of my childhood is the amount of times I spent playing outside, I rode my bike, went to the park, played games with my friends, I made rose petal perfume in the garden and went for walks with my parents. There are plenty of children where I live but they just don't seem to play outside as much as I did. I know times have changed and there is the whole safety issue, but tv, social media and gaming really has changed not only childhood but also society in general.

I know I'm guilty of this I spend way too much time on my iPad, my phone is always close by, and the TV is always on. There is no denying that technology is vital, brilliant and helpful, but for a lot of people it's also a bit of an addiction. If you're trying to cut down on stress, and anxiety then try and keep an eye on just how long your spending on social media, or on your phone, and even watching tv - even spending a few minutes on social media or watching the news lately seems to send my blood pressure soaring, so know when to switch off, and if something makes you anxious then don't do it - I very rarely watch the news now, and whilst I still keep track of what's going on in the world I feel better for avoiding those few minutes of doom and gloom.

If you're finding it hard to avoid the lure of 24 hour tv channels, or the latest drama on Tik Tok, then unplug yourself and go for a walk - Walking along a beach is my ultimate switch off but it doesn't even have to be far, just round the block if that's all you can manage, if you can't leave your phone behind listen to some music, or even a guided meditation, and instead of smoking a cigarette which so many people still do when they're stressed, take a tip from your favourite professional footballer and try nic pouches uk. If you need that slight ahhh moment that you get from smoking then these may do the trick without a lot of the chemicals. Whether it's bright and sunny, or more likely in the UK pouring with rain, a bit of fresh air wakes you up a bit and makes you feel a little bit more alive.

Exercise & Move More

I think it goes without saying that a lot of us now lead quite sedentary lifestyles, whether that's because of health or personal circumstance, or maybe because you're stuck behind a desk all day, the plain and simple fact is that as a society we just don't move enough anymore, and that ultimately plays a part in both our mental and physical health.

One effective way to reduce and manage your stress to improve wellness is to exercise and move more. Now I know that there are people out there that love the gym, and yes I did used to be one of those people, working out to some of my favourite tunes, was at one point, a part of my life, and if you can do that great, good for you, but if the idea of leggings, and sports bras fills you full of horror then that's fine too. Do something you enjoy, if that's riding a bike with the kids, doing yoga to a You Tube video, swimming lengths at the local pool, walking the dog in the park, or blasting out your favourite tunes, and counting your steps, and the calories your burning whilst pushing a vacuum around the house, and whatever you do you'll feel a huge sense of achievement, even if that's just ticking something off your to do list.

Keep A Gratitude Journal

For someone that loves stationary and buying stickers and notebooks as much as I do I'm pretty embarrassed to say that I've never ever tried journaling, scrapbooking yet but proper journalling? no!

One good way of dealing with life stresses and strains is to put something down on paper, in the olden days it would be just a diary or maybe if you're creatively inclined a poem but nowadays it's more likely to be a journal, filled with thoughts, dreams, colour and stickers. Journals can be a great way to maintain a positive mindset, and deal with stress. One idea is a gratitude journal , where you can keep your mind focused on everything that's good in your life, and everything that's going well for you - keeping on theme will give you less room to concentrate on the negative, and what's missing or going wrong in your life. Making a point at the end of every day to write a list of good things that have happened that day and things that your thankful for will end the day on a positive and happy note, and put you in good stead for the next day.

Get Enough Sleep & Rest

I've talked so many times on this blog about the importance of a good nights sleep and it really can't be overstated just how important it really is for both our physical and mental health. If you're well rested and you've had a good nights sleep, you feel so much brighter and ready to take on whatever the world throws at you. I know it can be a double edged sword and stress and anxiety can really affect your sleep but if you try and develop a good sleep routine, it really can make all of the difference. Investing in a good mattress and comfortable pillow can make all the difference, remember you spend or you should spend more time in bed than anywhere else so don't scrimp on comfort . Try and cut down on electronic use before you go to bed, try to avoid arguments and confrontation, and then either have a bath or shower, and then have a warm drink whilst you read or listen to something calming, or fill in your journal.

Different things work for different people, so it might take you a while to find that off switch, but whether it going to a fitness class, stroking a pet, having a long soak in the bath, building a lego set, or having a jog round the block, it's so important to switch off, and try and destress and if you can't then don't be frightened or embarrassed to get professional or medical help, life doesn't have to be that hard x 

*Collaborative / Partnered Post

LouLouLand Is 17! - Wishing My Little Place On The Internet A Belated Happy Birthday

I know it's pretty obvious but over the last year or so but I've really struggled with blogging - As well as life and health getting in the way, I've struggled with engagement, and I've struggled with finding a place in this new era of quick and snappy content, but over the last month or so I've started to feel a little bit more positive about the whole thing.

Whilst I'm trying to engage more with short form platforms, I'm actually enjoying writing again, swatching products, and planning out posts, and that's what it should be about, not agonising over statistics, or constantly monitoring earnings and click throughs. That isn't to say that engagement and interaction doesn't matter, but it's not something that I'm going to stress about - you see so many influencers and content creators bragging about all the campaigns there getting but so many of us are just muddling along, keeping going not just for the 'freebies' and the £ but because we're doing something that we enjoy or even love!

17 Years ago yesterday I posted my first ever blog post, and to be honest I had no idea where it would lead me. I've worked with some amazing brands, gone to some fab events, and met some lovely people irl but above all it's given me and outlet and a purpose. Spending so much time cooped up indoors it's allowed me to escape from the everyday - it's given me something to focus on and to stop my brain turning to mush, and it's allowed me to feel part of something.

That's been even more apparent over the last couple of days by all of the lovely comments and messages I've received from people all over the world, lots of whom I've never met in person and would never have came into contact with without my blog or social media.

I guess what I'm trying to say as per usual is how grateful I am to every single person who has ever followed or subscribed to my blog or any of my social media channels, read a post, commented, or interacted in any way. I'm not saying that I wouldn't keep blogging without you but it certainly wouldn't be the same.

So thank you all for sticking with me and fingers crossed you all stick with me for another year, and if you're new welcome to my blog and I hope you'll like what you see and you'll subscribe for lots of beauty, fashion, lifestyle and 'real life' content x Thanks for being here and here's to another 17 years ;)

Tallulah 2009 - 2024

I've had this post on the back burner for a little while, and I hoped and prayed that it would be an eternity before I had to post it, but it wasn't to be, my beautiful girl passed away at home this morning.

When she came to live with us she was about the size of old fashioned powder puff, but despite her diminutive size, she was fierce, she spent most of the first 24 hours hiding, and hissing at us and our other cats at the time, Jasper and Jake, who was petrified of her.

The next day she was a different cat, still a touch wary and prone to hiding but she became a cuddlebug, a tiny ball of fluff that demanded attention and her own way, and whilst she increased slightly in size her personality never changed - she was noisy, stubborn, and probably the most jealous cat that I've ever met but she was mine and I loved her, her quirky ways and her silky black fur. beyond words. 

Tallulah

2009 - 2024

Collaborative / Partnered Post - How To Feel More Beautiful And Improve Your Self Confidence In 2024*

Hey Guys, Welcome to my first post of 2024, so I guess I should start off by wishing you all a very Happy New Year. I really hope that it's a good one for all of us, and that this is the year when all of our dreams start to come true.

Whilst I'm not a huge believer in new years resolutions and putting unnecessary pressure on myself to achieve the impossible, I do always try to set myself a few achievable goals, and tasks that I would like to achieve not just over the next 12 months, but over the course of my life in general, and some of the biggies for this year, are to try and love myself a bit more, to care for myself a bit more, and to get a bit of self confidence and self belief back.

For as long as I can remember I've suffered from low levels of confidence. You name it I've felt it, from shyness, and anxiety to extreme self loathing - self confidence has always been an issue for me. The sad thing is that I'm not alone in that a lot of people struggle with low levels of confidence, but whilst I don't think the feeling ever completely goes away, there are a few things that you can try to boost your self esteem and feel better about yourself in 2024.

Dress Well

This sounds like such a simple one but it really can make all the difference. When your feeling rubbish about yourself it's all too tempting just to just dress down and to not really try, but the way you dress can have a huge impact on how you feel about yourself and how others feel about you as well. I know it can be hard when your lacking confidence in your appearance to wear even your 'safest' outfit, but as I've said before spending time working out your own personal style, and finding clothes that fit you, and flatter you, can really make a difference, so grab the bull by the horns, own your look, and if you really want to give yourself a little self confidence boost take a little peek into your underwear drawer.

Whilst people generally won't see your underwear ;) it doesn't mean that you shouldn't use it  as a tool, to make yourself more confident, more put together and even a little bit bit sexier. Try out different types of womens briefs to see which ones you would feel confident and comfortable wearing, and get a properly fitted bra, buy yourself some cute matching sets, for that put together feel, and buy yourself fun pieces, that make you smile - even if no one ever sees it, and your just wearing something cute or matching under a comfy t-shirt and some leggings around the house, as long as you feel comfortable, and cute that's all that matters.

Therapy 

Okay, from something effective but frivolous, to something a bit more serious, therapy or counselling. It might not be the first thing you would consider when you're looking at issues with self confidence but issues with self esteem and self belief can often have quite deep rooted causes. In my case it's probably down to childhood bullying, and insecurities about my facial paralysis, but for you it could be down to past relationships, or different issues from childhood, What ever the reason talking to somebody can really help you deal with an issues that you may have, and help you move forward. A lot of people feel uncomfortable and ashamed for reaching out to a professional but this shouldn't be the case, and we really need to start breaking down that stigma, and getting the help that we need.

Posture 

This next one sounds a little strange, but it's something that I definitely need to work and that is posture.

To be honest this could be a goal in itself, but when you think about it your posture has a huge impact on your self confidence and on how you appear to others around you. If you have poor posture, and you're hunched over, trying to make yourself look small, then you’re going to look unsure of yourself and uneasy, and you're going to disappear into the crowd. People around you, especially those in the workplace or in a professional setting, will immediately assume that you don’t have confidence in what you are saying or what you are doing. This could not only have a negative impact on your professional life, but also in personal relationships. Posture is actually one of the easiest things to improve, there are loads of videos, exercises, and instructions online for you to try. Just throw in a few yoga or pilates sessions for the new year, and you could see some results in a couple of weeks.

Skin Treatment 

One of the key reasons people lack self confidence (holds my hands up!), is that they don't like what they see in the mirror, and to be honest that's a difficult one to remedy but even if you're not a fan of what you see, there are things that you can do and that you can control to help give your self confidence a boost. A big part of enhancing your natural beauty is looking after your skin. If your skin doesn’t look great and looks rough, or dull, or shiny, then it’s always going to impact how you feel about yourself. Fortunately in this day and age, a good skincare routine can make all the difference. For example, like so many of us if your skin in a bit drier at this time of year, then you might want to switch up your moisturising routine. As we get older, our skin finds it harder to retain moisture so our collagen depletes leaving our skin drier and slacker, adding in a serum or two, a facial oil or even a slightly heavier moisturiser could make all the difference, improving your skin tone and texture, and your self esteem at the same time.

So if you look in the mirror and your skin doesn't quite look how you want it too, visit a salon or a beauty counter, have a read of some blogs, or a look on social media, or in extreme cases see a dermatologist, and either switch up your current routine, or create a new skincare routine from scratch. I can't guarantee that you'll love your reflection but even as a worst case scenario, it will give you one less thing to dislike.

Improving your self confidence and self esteem won't happen overnight, but making the best of yourself, and tackling some of those underlying issues, can definitely play a part. I know it's hard but please remember you are a fabulous person, and you are as good as anyone else out there, you have as much right as anyone else to do what you like, wear what you, and to be heard and don't let anyone ever tell otherwise x Do you have any hints and tips for improving self confidence? If you do please let me know in the comments x

*Collaborative / Partnered Post

Promises, Piercings, And Pesto - Merry Christmas

Well, here we are, there's only more sleep to Christmas - the presents are wrapped, the house is *mostly* tidy, I'm showered and the new PJ's are on, and we have just consumed our traditional Christmas Eve meal of Pesto, Tomato, and Mozzarella Ciabattas, with a little glass of mulled wine on the side - I'm currently watching the Alistair Sim version of Scrooge, with the Muppet Christmas Carol up next and I thought I'd quickly write my now traditional Christmas Eve post.

I honestly don't know where the last few weeks have gone, it's been a funny few weeks here in LouLouLand, lots of cleaning, yet more bad news, and a bit of pain and exhaustion thrown in for good measure. I promised a few posts before Christmas but surprise, surprise nothing panned out the way I wanted, I prepped a lot of posts but I never managed to actually post anything so I apologise, and I promise I will have some more content up next week and lots more going on into 2024

This year me and my mas decided to go for a joint present, and get something we both wanted, so we treat ourselves to a new smart TV, and an upgraded Sky box, so I'm not really expecting a lot tomorrow especially since my mam also paid for my daith piercing changeout  (I went for a nice silver hoop), and a new conch piercing in my right ear - Again I went to the lovely Kelly, at Doc Black Ink, Metro Centre, last Monday and I honestly can't recommend her and the shop enough. It was way less painful than I anticipated but it has been a bit tender since especially behind my ear but I love it, and the slightly hidden aspect - I've definitely got the piercing bug again!

Although I love presents it really isn't about that this year, it's been another awful year, losing my uncle, and with numerous family illness and accidents, for me it's all about spending time with the people I love, I want it to be nice, and I want to have some nice memories from Christmas 2023.

You know the drill though by now, Christmas isn't always the happy time, that so many people especially on social media would have you believe, your everyday problems don't go away, and being around family, and friends, or on your own can often exacerbate and create new issues, so please, please remember you are not alone - Here is a list of useful numbers below, and I would personally also like to add Cruse Bereavement Support - 0808 808 1677

So if you're celebrating tomorrow I hope you have a very Merry Christmas, and if you're not, I hope you have a peaceful, and cheerful Monday, and I'll see you soon with a new post x 

HUDA Beauty Winner And A Life Update*

Hey Everyone x I know it's been a little while since I last posted so I thought I'd post a quick update for you x I've had a few rough weeks health wise culminating in an unexpected morning in A&E on Halloween of all days and a barrage of tests since. Thankfully there doesn't appear to be anything too sinister going on just a few new fibromyalgia symptoms, and the exacerbation of a few others - ho hum. Through in another family illness and things have been a bit rough so it goes without saying that my mind has been elsewhere. 

This year really seems to have flown by I can hardly believe we're in December already - I'm so all over the place at the moment I didn't even manage to get my hands on a chocolate advent calendar this year, but thanks to Mummy Lou I did get manage to get my hands on this years Glossybox offering, which if you're interested I'm unboxing everyday on my Instagram Stories, so don't forget to follow me on there.  Everything just seems to be upside down at the moment I've done some Christmas shopping online, and most of the decorations are up but my room needs serious deep clean, and I haven't even thought about wrapping or cards - argh!

Anyways deep breaths, no need to panic, things will work out they always do (fingers crossed anyways) and whilst I won't be posting any huge gift guides or anything like that but providing the creeks don't rise, etc. etc, I do have a few little gift ideas to share with you, as well as a few empties posts to share with you before Santa comes so don't forget to keep following my blog, or checking out my other social media channels for a heads up when new posts go live!

Now though is the moment you've all been waiting for - it's time to announce the winner of my HUDA Beauty giveaway!

I didn't have too many entries so everyone that did enter had a great chance to win, alas there can only be one winner and that winner picked randomly via Rafflecopter is...

a Rafflecopter giveaway

SOPHIE

Congratulations my love and thanks for following my on Tik Tok - I will be sending you an email asap x Thanks to everyone that entered and a big thank you to all of my new followers both on the blog and elsewhere x Thanks you all for following and reading and I will see you soon with another post x 

*This Post Contains An Added Affiliate Link

When Life Gets In The Way - Family Illness, Covid, Mould, Guttering And A Poorly Cat*

I once made a pledge on this blog to stop apologising for disappearing, repetition and lack of posting, and whilst i guess this is a bit of an apology (what can I say I'm one of those people who always says sorry even when it's not my fault!), it's more of an update and explanation as to what's been going on in my life over the last month or so and why I've been neglecting the blog.

With several bereavements and my own health struggles, it's safe to say that I'd already ranked 2023 pretty highly on the shitty year index, but throw in what's been going on over the last couple of month and it's probably at the top of the pile!

If you follow me elsewhere on social media (updated links in the sidebar if you don't), then you'll know that my mam has been pretty poorly. She was admitted into hospital towards the end of July with the same old, same old, some sort of infection, that course through her body leaving her with a raging fever and unable to walk. They did the usual, blasted her with antibiotics only this time she suffered a reaction to one of them so they had to switch it and start again, after a couple of days she was heading in the right direction, and I was preparing to go in and see her and then everything went wrong.

As is common with especially elderly people she suffered a spell of infection related delirium and confusion. To say I wouldn't wish that 24 hours or so on anyone would be an understatement. She called me and various family members multiple times alternating between crying and ranting, from seeing things that weren't there, to having no idea of where she was, to refusing treatment and not letting the hospital staff touch her - it was horrible and utterly heartbreaking  I really can't thank the staff and University Hospital Of North Durham, and my family and friends enough, and of course everyone who replied to my Instagram stories on the day. I spoke to several nurses and one doctor over the course of the day and they assured me that once they got a handle on the infection she would improve, and thankfully that's what happened. I didn't speak to her again until the next lunch time and whilst she was still confused she had much more of a grip on reality, and was cooperating with staff again, and by the time I spoke to her again that night she was nearly back to normal, although completely mortified with how she'd behaved. 

Thankfully she continued to get better, well at least until she caught covid! They weren't 100% sure if that was the cause of the original infection or whether she caught it whilst she was in hospital but thankfully bar a hacking cough, distorted taste and smell, her oxygen levels remained good, and after 11 days in hospital she was allowed home. It took her another week to test negative, and about another 3 to get back up to speed but she's doing well, she's been given some more medication for bone strength, and the hospital have been in touch with social services to get some hand rails put up outside to help with her mobility and access to the drive, and the car.

Obviously this was a major mental screw up for me, it's bad enough having one relative in hospital at once but at my godmother was also admitted in the same week, and whilst she was released after a few days it was really tough for me. On that Sunday I really felt as though I'd lost my mum, to be scared to speak to her because at that moment in time she was as far away from her normal self as it was possible to be was terrifying - thankfully as I stay I had some support at the time but dealing with it afterwards in my own head has been tough and I'm not going to lie I've struggled - but as my mam says I'm a lot stronger than I think I am, and at last I think I'm beginning to realise that.

With my mum being poorly and getting some much needed rest, I've obviously had to step it up and take on all of the tasks that need to be done on a daily basis in order to keep a house running smoothly, so given that my physical and mental health sap so much of my energy as it is, I've pretty much been running on empty, but you know why not kick someone when there down!

For a little while I'm been smelling a sort of musty smell in my bedroom, sort of like damp, so eventually admitted defeat and investigated only to find a patch of mould on the wall - arghhhhhh! so everything to be moved to I could treat it and if you have any mould in your house be it on the walls, or bathroom tiles then you need to get this stuff from Amazon, it makes your house smell like a swimming pool but it was gone without any scrubbing or effort in less than an hour, and my shower tiles are now gleaming as well! We knew we had an issue with the guttering so we got someone out to have a look at it and it's much worse than we anticipated - it's leaked under the fascia and into the cavity wall, and the roof joists hence the patches of mould in various other rooms in the house - it never rains but it pours literally! Bye bye several grand grrrr!

Oh yes, I almost forgot, the title of this post also mentioned a poorly cat, well if all of that wasn't enough, Charlie developed some sort of infection in his gums, so after a few days of hiding, hissing, and not eating, a antibiotic jab, and a course of oral anti-inflammatories, and antibiotics, and some special dental food, and a pretty little vet bill, he's thankfully eating and back to his fluffy self - phew!

So hopefully that explains my absence, I've been so mentally and physically drained that I just wasn't up to blogging, or doing pretty much anything else come to think about it, but (touches every bit of wood in the house and crosses my fingers very tightly!) hopefully the stars are realigning and things are returning to normal or whatever normal is, so I should be able to start getting a few more posts up, starting with an empties catch up later this week x 

Again a huge thank you to all of you who've contacted me on social media over the last month or so and thanks again for sticking with me x 

*This Post Contains An Affiliate And A Non Affiliate Link

Collaborative / Partnered Post - A Few Ways To Help Boost Your Self Confidence And Self Belief*

When people meet me for the first time, a lot of them think that I'm bristling with self confidence I talk 20 to the dozen and generally seem quite comfortable in my own skin, but scratch a little bit below the surface, and they'd soon see that a lot of the times it's just an act. I've never had a lot of self belief or self confidence, I was a notoriously shy child, and even one of my best friends used to call my mouse girl when we first met at university. It's only the last 10 - 15 years that I've actually started to feel comfortable in my own skin, and as a result I've developed a more confident and positive outlook.

Self confidence and self belief, though isn't a fixed think. Even people who consider themselves as bubbly, positive and happy human beings, can sometimes have a crisis of confidence. This could be because of a certain trigger like your overbearing boss at work telling you that you are underachieving. It could be that you feel inferior to all of the super toned individuals in the gym, or those gorgeous people on Instagram, or it might be because you are generally feeling down and you can’t pinpoint any real cause

Although it seems like such a minor thing, our confidence levels are crucial to help us to maintain a positive outlook on life. When you're feeling confident and positive, you can feel more empowered to take on life’s challenges. When you're lacking in self confidence you can be unwilling to try new things, and to try and achieve your goals for fear of failure, if you're not feeling great confidence wise at the moment, there are a few general ways in which you give you self confidence a boost.

Get Active

While those bronzed bodies and gym bunnies may be preventing you from feeling comfortable on the treadmill or having fun in your favourite Zumba class, there is generally no excuse to remain sedentary. Instead, consider heading outdoors and having some fun jogging around your local park or partaking in a bike ride. If you don’t fancy going it alone, consider roping in a pal to keep you company. This can make exercising a more social activity that you can enjoy with friends.

Being outside will also help you to soak up some much needed Vitamin D (something which I and a lot of people in the UK lack!) which can help regulate your body clock, and help you to sleep better. Natural sunlight is a natural mood lifter so try to get outdoors for at least thirty minutes every day. This is especially important if you work from home or if you have a desk job.

Alas being active and getting fit isn't something that I can do that much of, jogging is a distant memory for me, but even I can manage a little walk around the block or a couple of minutes walk everyday enjoying my surroundings, and experiencing nature, so what if it's raining, grab and umbrella and a waterproof jacket, believe me you'll feel so much better if potentially a little bit soggy when you come back. Changes don't have to massive but even making tiny changes to your daily routine can make a small difference to your mental health.

Image

I firmly believe that my own self confidence issues boil down to my facial palsy, although I've learned to accept myself now, bullying, and name calling can really effect how you see yourself. In this day and age, of social media perfection, more and more of us are self conscious about their looks and appearance. The first thing I would say to that is that you're perfect the way you are please believe that - but if aspects of your appearance are causing to lack confidence in social situations then don't be frightened to look for solutions If you suffer from a condition like acne, all is not lost. While the scarring on your face may make you feel embarrassed or anxious, you could head to your doctor and ask about new drugs like erythromycin. After taking this drug for six weeks, you could see a huge reduction in your acne. There is a wealth of information about Zineryt that is the brand of choice for many medical professionals. Whilst my acne wasn't horrendous as a teenager I did end up seeing my GP about it - I promise they won't dismiss your concerns, and they will help you find a solution.

As someone whose been a size 10 and a size 22, I know all about how weight can effect how you feel about yourself. To be honest probably had as many days being self conscious about my body at both ends of the weight spectrum but if you're really unhappy with your body shape, then again seek professional help. If you want to lose a few pounds though, then it's easy enough to make some small changes to your diet. I'm not big on the whole diet and denial thing, eat those "naughty things" in moderation. and try and swap the sugary chocolate snacks and saturated fat laden meals for more fruit, green leafy vegetables and lean meat and fish. Forget about having to rely on meat and go vegan or if that's to much for you, go meat free for a couple of days each week to maximise your antioxidant intake and to help boost your mood. With a new eating plan, you might be able to lose a few pounds which might help boost your self confidence, and improve your body image

As I said before body image has probably taken a battering since the emergence of social media. Instagram is the most visual of these platforms with plenty of perfectly filtered selfies and lifestyles appearing in your feed every day. Even though you know that these photographs are often faked by a spot of Amaro or Holga filtering, you can’t help but feel envious or inferior. While Instagram aims to be aspirational, it has morphed into a damaging tool that has a negative impact on people’s health. Instead of scrolling through your social media feeds for hours on end, take a detox. While difficult to begin with, you can swap your screen time for something more beneficial in the real world. Head for coffee with pals, go and see a movie or enjoy relaxing with a long hot soak in the tub, or do what I've done and unfollow people who make you miserable. Remember a lot of people only post what they want you to see, you don't see them sitting in front of the TV, eating cereal with no make up on, and wearing a past it's best jumper covered in cat hair. People curate their images to create an image of perfection, they will have a their bad skin, untidy house, rubbish days the same as you do. Keep this thought in your head take a step back and I can guarantee you'll start feeling happier better about yourself, and a bit more confident to boot.

Do Something New

As the old saying goes a change really is as good as a rest. Switch your routine up and if you fancy trying something new, be brave and go for it. By taking the plunge and doing something that is naturally a little scary, you can boost your self confidence. If you fancy trying out for the local ladies football team, go for it. If you want to learn the piano, book yourself in for a taster session. And if you want to have a go at a cake decorating course, enrol yourself in an evening class. There are so many evening classes at local colleges, and a lot of local community centres offer everything from yoga classes, to writers groups and art classes. 

There are plenty of things that you can do to help increase your confidence levels, don't let fear rule your life, if you want to do something do it. Yes it can be scary going into a room of people you don't know for the first time, but meeting new people and making new friends helps to extend your social circle and it also might help you to learn a new skill. Try something new, meet new people, and improve your self esteem.

Travel

To say that heading overseas and partaking in a spot of solo travel can be daunting, is an understatement, and it's would be a huge thing to do for the majority of people to do. However, it needn’t be, and lots of people, are now holidaying alone, enjoying their own company, and finding out a little bit more about themselves along the way. Travelling to another part of the world could see you immersing yourself in new cultures and trying new cuisine. Being somewhere totally new and speaking a different language forces you to rely on your own wits and you will find yourself in unfamiliar situations. Working out your own itinerary and solving problems on route will help boost your self confidence.

Take some holiday that you are owed from work or ask for an unpaid sabbatical so you can embark on your own wanderlust adventure. Think about the sort of destinations you would like to visit. Do you want to head to Iceland to look for the Northern Lights, or perhaps you’d like a physical adventure and trekking the Inca Trail is more up your street, or maybe you’d rather enjoy the beach life of Goa or the Maldives and a relaxing break is just what the doctor ordered. Whatever it is that you want to do and whatever vistas you want to see, ensure that you bite the bullet and get yourself booked on a flight. Book your accommodation and plan your travel to ensure that you can enjoy the trip of a lifetime. You will return oozing with self confidence, but if that's a tiny bit much for your there lots of travel companies that specifically focus on lone travellers, so you could explore somewhere new and meet new friends at the same time.

Self confidence is a funny thing, even a tiny comment from an acquaintance, or a message from someone online, or even a picture that we see online, can change how we feel about ourselves - a positive comment and our confidence soars, something negative, and a cycle of self loathing begins or is intensified. Whilst some of the things that I've mentioned can help you improve out self belief and self confidence. It's important to start with you - read these words, and remember them - you are as good as anyone else, you look amazing, you have an amazing personality, and you are a great person, don't ever let anyone make you feel anything less than what you are x

*Collaborative / Partnered Post