Is There Anybody There? - Life Lately And Moving Forward

I've tried several times over the last few months to take some time out for myself, to sit down somewhere quiet and write this post but something has always stopped me, so much so that I actually felt like hitting the delete button and bringing this little chapter of my life to an end but something stopped me from doing that as well.

So where have I been? Well if you follow me elsewhere on the old socials then you'll know that yet again life kicked me right where it hurts, and over the last few months life in LouLouLand has been to put it mildly poop!

After losing my Godmother in September I really thought that 2025 couldn't get any worse, but then it did - my mam was taken into hospital in late November with yet another infection, cue lots of confusion, and delirium, a fall from her bed that left her very bruised and battered, and a 2 and half week stay in hospital. Thankfully the infection was treated, the confusion passed, the bruises started to fade, and two weeks before Christmas she was thankfully allowed home.

With her instructing my every move I decorated, cooked and cleaned, and although it was always going to be strange without my Godmother we had a nice but quiet Christmas and New Year. The gifts were meaningful, the food was plentiful, and sharing it with my mam was the only gift that I ever needed or wanted.

Unlike her previous hospital stays though, this time she didn't bounce back to normal, she's really struggling with her mobility, using frames around the house, and she's been unable to get out and about or get back in the car. It's been frustrating and a learning curve for both of us, and at times there's almost being a role reversal with me taking on the parental role doing the adult things that she hasn't been able to do, which has taken a bit of adjustment on both sides.

Thankfully as time has progressed she's been able to do more around the house (she's currently tidying her room!), and more physically and last week after a conversation with her GP she eventually had a therapist come out to the house to assess her, see what she can do, what they can help her with and what they provide for her. It may be 4 months too late but we're both feeling a bit more positive now, they are sending a physio out to work with her to improve her mobility and they may be able to provide her with some walking aids or maybe a chair so she can get out safely again especially with the weather hopefully improving.

It's been a lot to deal with, the stress of her being admitted, visiting her and not quite knowing at times what I was going to find, dealing with everything once she came home and all that entailed, all whilst trying to navigate grief, and chronic illness. I'm not ashamed to say that my mental health really took a nosedive,  I've cried myself into a panic attack on more than one occasion, I've had more sleepless nights than you can imagine and I've completely neglected myself and my surroundings. You know those depression room Tik Tok's, yeah I get that, I've been so concerned about keeping the rest of the house tidy, my room looks like a messy storage unit. I've worn make up twice in 5 months, and I haven't had my hair cut since September / October time. I've probably only left the house 5 or 6 times since my mam was released from hospital, and we've probably met every Tesco delivery driver in the North East.

I've had the odd day where I've craved normality, I went to the Metro Centre for a couple of hours last month to buy Mothers Day goodies, and I had a lovely coffee date, and Home Bargains, and Farm Foods trip with one of my besties, which did me the world of good but other than that I've been trying to dig my way out of a large dark hole, some days are good, I'm productive, I can cross things off my to do list, and other days, I just want to pull a blanket over my head and shut everything else out just to try and protect myself.

I know it's been hard for her too and I know she feels some guilt, but my mam really has been my biggest supporter and reason for being - she keeps telling me I'm stronger than what I think, and whilst at times I still struggle to believe that, I know she's right - you learn from every knock and it really does make you stronger but having even a small support system is everything and I'm forever grateful for the people I have in my life that are there when I need to vent.

I know it will pass and eventually I'll start to have more good days, I just don't deal with change very well anymore, and over the last few months I've had to deal with a lot of it. There are some positive things on the horizon but again they are going to involve periods of change, acceptance and lots of adulting so I'm trying to put on my big girl shoes and make the best of it. 

I guess that's really why I'm sitting in my cluttered, hoarder esq bedroom typing words onto a screen. As I say I wasn't sure how or even whether to come back here, times have moved on short form media is king, and any place I had in this world now seems long gone (especially when I look at all the spam comments!), but with the rise of substack and some people I know returning to the blogging sphere maybe there is hope for us who like to use our words. Blogging always used to be an outlet for me and whilst it used to be about numbers, blog awards and PR, maybe now I can go back to what it always was my place, my place to talk about things I love, things that troubled me, good things in my life and the bad, and maybe that's something that I need in my life again, a focus, an outlet.

So where do I go from here? Well I open up my Macbook and I tap those keys and see what comes out at the other end - Obviously I have to get up to date on those empties posts, I have some nail posts in draft, and some half edited ones that I will post in due course, I've also got a few Tik Tok bits to share but other than that I have no real plans on what to post. I'm not the same person I was when I started this blog and whilst I still love fashion, beauty, nails, and food, maybe my content needs to grow with me - in what direction? who knows but I hope beyond hope, that there are a least some of you out there who will stick with me, and whilst I'm no longer about stats and follower counts, I'm eternally grateful for any of you that are still out there, so Happy New Year, Happy Christmas, Happy Easter, and every other holiday that I've missed, thanks for being here and I'll see you soon with another post x 

Heartbroken 💔

 
Exactly one week ago, my heart literally broke in two, when my beautiful Godmother passed peacefully away at home.

For some people Godparents are a title only, but mine really were a part of my family. Families are complicated but my Auntie Gladys was in its simplest terms my dads cousin. Although 14 years older than my dad they were brought up together, and she became my aunt and other than my mam the person that I was closest to.

How can I describe her to a stranger? She was a small woman, but she was probably one of the strongest people that I've ever met. She survived several bouts of cancer, undergoing numerous surgeries, as well as several broken bones, and other health issues over that last few years, as well as coping with the loss of her husband for over 60 years, 9 years ago.

She loved teddy bears, baking in her kitchen (her cheese scones, and Welsh cakes, or griddle scones as we call them up north, were chefs kiss!), knitting, crocheting, and embroidering tapestries, holidays (she went to Disney Florida for the first time in her 70's), and shopping!

My Godmother was the stereotypical shopaholic nothing made her happy then going round a shop - be it a shopping centre, a garden centre or a gift shop she was never happier than when she was in a shop. She loved her Boundary Mills visits, and our trips there together with her friend, will now be some of my most cherished memories.

She was a very feminine woman who very, very rarely wore trousers, I think she would have preferred it if I was more of a frilly dress fan, but she was always excited to see what I'd been buying, even if she wasn't a fan of all my ear piercings.

She would have been 95 next month and whilst her passing came as no great surprise, it doesn't make it any easier. Her biggest wish was to die at home and thankfully the NHS, along with Marie Curie, and some amazing family member allowed that happen.

Due to circumstances beyond out control we were unable to see her straight away when she came out of hospital but we managed to see her last Tuesday. There was no recognition or communication from her, she was sleeping and peaceful but I really do hope that she could hear us or at least feel our presence. There were other people there so I didn't get to spend anytime alone with her but I kissed my fingers and placed them gently on her cheek and whispered sweet dreams to her, and then we left.

A few hours later we got the call to say she'd gone, peacefully at home exactly as she'd wanted. I think we were the last of the northern based family members to see her, so I really think she'd waited for us to say goodbye.

I'll miss her more than I think even she'd realise, she had such a warm, giving generous personality, someone that I knew I could rely on for anything, she might not have always understood me but she was always there no matter what.

She's now reunited with her beloved husband, as well as my dad and my grandmas, and I hope wherever she is they have a few clothes shops for her to enjoy x 

Losing 3 family members, and 2 much loved pets in 3 years has been so tough on my mental and physical  health, my mam has also been unwell so everything really has been a bit of a struggle bus. Thank you to everyone who has commented on.my update on any of my other social media posts, I really do appreciate every single one of them - it's friends and family that have really kept me sane lately.

I have stuff to do and obviously stuff going on, but I really need a distraction so I'm hopefully going to be posting a few bits here and then mainly catch up's and updates but if you can be patient with me I would really appreciate it at the moment. I know 2025 has been rubbish blogging wise but I'm not giving up just yet xx Thanks again for your support x 

70 Years Of Hurt Gone In An Instant, And A Lifetime Of Memories Brought To The Surface

      

Picture Courtesy Of Newcastle United 

It's safe to say that if you're of the black and white persuasion, the last 48 hours have been pretty crazy. Although I don't post about football anywhere near as much as I did in the early days of this blog, my love for Newcastle United has never really waned. I was initially going to post this as a tweet or a thread but it soon became apparent that there were too many words and feels for short form media.

On Sunday night, Newcastle United broke their 70 year domestic trophy drought, when they beat Liverpool 2-1 to win the Carabao EFL Cup. Like so many of my fellow fans I watched the majority of the game on tv through my hands, unlike my mam whose faith never waivered, I wasn't confident in the slightest and even when Big Dan Burn headed us in front I still didn't dare to dream, when Isak scored a second finally there was hope but then came VAR and the Liverpool goal, and goodness knows how many minutes of added time which was almost torturous, I was really starting to think that it's the hope that kills you, but we held on and when the final whistle blew I'll admit that like so many other fan that I cried, tears of joy, relief, and to be honest what could have been.

I know what some of you are thinking, it's just a game it's not that deep but for so many Newcastle fans or anyone that truly supports a football club it really is. Eddie Howe mentioned his late mum in his press conference, Alan Shearer talked about his late dad in a podcast and I've seen so many tweets and posts about people talking about family members that never got to experience what we have over the last few days.

Growing up where I did you supported Newcastle or Sunderland, whilst my dad had memories of watching games at both clubs, by the time I came along you had to choose, and my dad went with the boys in black and white, and my fate was sealed. Being a girl in the 80's first real football memory was Italia 90, I vaguely remember the penalty misses and Gazza's tears, even if I didn't quite understand what was going on - 2 years later though everything changed, and that was thanks to Kevin Keegan.

I remember the hope and the excitement when the hero returned, he miraculously kept us up that season, and the 92/93 season was when my obsession really started, I listened to games avidly on the radio, and watched them on tv when I could, and the season culminated in promotion to the Premier League, and a 7-1 home win against Leicester City. Me and some of my friends attended the promotion parade, which ended in the pouring rain outside Newcastle Civic Centre, there were people climbing trees, and up lamp posts to see the players and KK himself on the balcony, and the bus ride home was a cacophony of noise including 'if you're proud to be a Geordie be a tree.'

God This Photo Is Old Little Louise In Her Umbro Blue Star Top And Check Out The Black And White Scrunchies! 

Then like now tickets were hard to come by, the ground looked nothing like it does now, so I didn't actually attend my first proper Premier League game until the 3rd May 1995 when I was lucky enough to witness a 3-3 draw against Spurs, which included a goal by the legendary Jurgen Klinsmann. I attended the odd game here and there, and experienced everything from Keegan leaving, to the Andy Cole signing and then leaving and then the arrival of Alan Shearer, can you imagine what twitter would have been like in those days? given some of the meltdowns Newcastle fans have seen lately it doesn't bare thinking about.

We went through a few more managers and a couple of more comings and goings and then Sir Bobby returned and that coincided with me meeting a fellow fan, who would become one of my bestest and dearest friends, and I started going to games more regularly especially cup games thanks to her brothers season ticket, and after a long hiatus my dad and even my mam ended up going to a few games, sitting in the Platinum club as was!

'Big Les" AKA My Dad💔

At home me and my dad used to watch football on the television driving my mam mad at time, but the funny thing is we never actually went to a game together but for those of you who aren't aware of my story that should have changed on the 4th November 2002. My friend wasn't well so my dad took her ticket for the Middlesbrough game, but unfortunately he collapsed on the way to the ground, we never made it to the match that night, and my dad never made it home, passing away in the early hours of November 5th in the Freeman Hospital.

I guess things could have gone either way after that night, I could have continued to have been haunted by the memories of that fateful night, and rejected the noise, and the black and white shirts or I could carry on and continue doing something that I know he would love and I that I had grown to love - it comes as no surprise that  I chose the latter - I think it took a month or so before I went back to a game , and I'm not going to lie my stomach was churning, someone in front was wearing my dads aftershave Hugo Boss Dark Blue which I guess could have been a sign and the memories came flooding back soon though I was concentrating on the game, shouting at the referee, and moaning like I know my dad would have done.

Soon after that I got my first season ticket and several more followed it, I went on to witness the end of Sir Bobbys reign, Souness, Bowyer v Dyer, the Intertoto Cup win, a memorable for many reasons away win at West Ham, and of course Shearer breaking Jackie Milburn's record. My mam to her credit really tried to be enthusiastic and she still tries even if I do have to re explain the rules every now and then, and tell her again who Schar is, but I miss sharing things with my dad and doing an after match de brief before and after his Sunday lunch time pub trips.

The fun couldn't last though, Mike Ashley the billionaire that would hopefully take us to the next level arrived, and his arrival seemed to coincide with my own body giving up on me - after several low lows, relegation was the final straw, I was attending less and less games, my health was failing and I couldn't justify keeping my season ticket.

Supporting Newcastle through that was hard, although there were glimpses here and there of what could be, supporting a team that was happy with just existing especially when being so unwell was hard, I'd used football as a crutch at times, not only was it a link to my dad but it was a link to normality, how things used to be and it was fading away, especially when covid came on the scene.

Then like that everything changed again, there was talk of a takeover, I started engaging again with NUFC social media accounts, even arguing with the odd journalist here and there, but then hopes were dashed again but the fanbase mobilised we wanted change, we wanted to believe again, and finally on 7th October 2021 we had new owners and the hope and the pride was back. That was another emotional day I can imagine how excited my dad would have been and how he would have loved all the pub talk about signings and managers, and the whole morals and ethics of been owned by the Saudis and some more southern billionaires, and that was a feeling that was amplified when we qualified for the Champions League in 2023 for the first time in the 20 or so years since my dad had passed - that game was so emotional I went on twitter and whilst it can be a cesspit pretty much most of the time now, some of the comments and messages I got that night after sharing my story really soothed my soul.

So here I am we've won a trophy, and whilst my dad was lucky enough to see us win a couple, it was a experience that we never shared, we were together for 2 FA Cup finals, and we were both stunned as we threw away that 12 point lead, but this time when it mattered, it was just me and my Mam watching through our hands. I'm sure wherever he is though he was raising a glass along with so many other members of the toon army that we've lost along the way, and next time I go to visit his grave I'll tell him again about Bruno's tears, Burn's header, pump it up, Yasir, and Jamie with their winners shirts over their suits, the brilliance of Edward John Frank Howe, and why we as Newcastle fans have so many reasons to be excited for the future.

It's not just a game or a football team it's about the shared memories and experiences that it brings. Our lives change, we lose people, we meet new people, and we may even lose and find ourselves again along the way but if you support a team, that club is one of the few constants that we have and that's why it means to so much to so many, and why its so important that even in this world of billionaires, match day tourists, PSR, media rights, and You Tubers, that the true fans aren't left behind x 

Charlie 2011 - 2024

I can hardly believe that I'm writing this post, but just over a week ago now, our beloved Charlie bear passed away peacefully at home, curled up in his favourite cat bed.

He hadn't been himself for a little while but he was still eating and drinking, using his litter tray, and running away from Max, so we just thought it was down to his age, but as the days and hours went on we realised that he was nearing the end, we had an appointment made at the vets, but he didn't make it and crossed rainbow bridge, at home, safe with me, my mam and Max close by.

Since we only lost Tallulah in February and with the sad loss of my Aunt earlier this year, this one has hit extra hard. He was stubborn, aloof at times, and a complete cuddlebug when he felt like it, I'll miss his one of a kind personality, his loud rattly purr and his fabulous floofy tail. 

Out of all of the cats that we've had he was probably my biggest confidant, the amount of stuff I told this cat, I should be lucky that he couldn't talk or that we can't translate cat! When I was having having one of my regular spells of insomnia, he would lie on the bed, asleep and snoring usually but always there to provide some comfort and companionship.

So Max is now on his own - For the first few days he wandered around the house looking for him, running every time he heard a noise, now he seems more accepting, we let him see him when he'd gone which I think helped, but now he's in his clingy phase, always wanting to with us, and sleeping at night curled up next to me or my mam. He's never been an only cat in his life so we will more than likely end up getting him a friend, when everything feels less raw and painful.

Whilst I have been posting here and there on social media perhaps understandably I haven't really felt in the mood to blog and post about happier things but I'm going to try and regain some sort of normality starting next week and resume some sort of normal posting schedule, so thanks again for bearing with me and for all of your kind words elsewhere on social media x 

Collaborative / Partnered Post - Easy Ways To Reduce Stress And Improve Both Your Body And Your Mind *

I don't think that there is a person out there that hasn't experienced at least some level of stress or anxiety, and with the world the way it is, it's no wonder that mental health issues are the rise. Take little old me - I had it all planned out, on Sunday afternoon, I was going to open up my laptop, and get my blog on, as I always say though the plans of mice and men, and my Macbook had other ideas, it restarted itself a couple of times, and when I eventually got it going, it was only going at a snails pace - argh!. So new Macbook ordered we then realised that the heating wasn't working, yes we've had the heating on July, please don't judge lol - a new wireless thermostat is now on its way to us and that should hopefully fix the problem and even though it's only Wednesday, it's already been a pretty stressful and expensive week!

It doesn't need to be anything major or tragic, just living and dealing with the day to day can cause us no end of stress and anxiety and too much of it as I've recently discovered can be pretty detrimental to not only our mental health, but also our physical health. 

Whilst it pretty hard to stop stressful things happening to us, there are things that you can do, and small lifestyle changes that you can make, to help you alleviate and deal better with some of the symptoms of stress and anxiety, and to improve your over all wellbeing - nothing hard I promise, just little things that you can easily integrate into your everyday routine.

Unplug & Spend Time in Nature

Like most people of a certain age (Ahem;) one of the best memories of my childhood is the amount of times I spent playing outside, I rode my bike, went to the park, played games with my friends, I made rose petal perfume in the garden and went for walks with my parents. There are plenty of children where I live but they just don't seem to play outside as much as I did. I know times have changed and there is the whole safety issue, but tv, social media and gaming really has changed not only childhood but also society in general.

I know I'm guilty of this I spend way too much time on my iPad, my phone is always close by, and the TV is always on. There is no denying that technology is vital, brilliant and helpful, but for a lot of people it's also a bit of an addiction. If you're trying to cut down on stress, and anxiety then try and keep an eye on just how long your spending on social media, or on your phone, and even watching tv - even spending a few minutes on social media or watching the news lately seems to send my blood pressure soaring, so know when to switch off, and if something makes you anxious then don't do it - I very rarely watch the news now, and whilst I still keep track of what's going on in the world I feel better for avoiding those few minutes of doom and gloom.

If you're finding it hard to avoid the lure of 24 hour tv channels, or the latest drama on Tik Tok, then unplug yourself and go for a walk - Walking along a beach is my ultimate switch off but it doesn't even have to be far, just round the block if that's all you can manage, if you can't leave your phone behind listen to some music, or even a guided meditation, and instead of smoking a cigarette which so many people still do when they're stressed, take a tip from your favourite professional footballer and try nic pouches uk. If you need that slight ahhh moment that you get from smoking then these may do the trick without a lot of the chemicals. Whether it's bright and sunny, or more likely in the UK pouring with rain, a bit of fresh air wakes you up a bit and makes you feel a little bit more alive.

Exercise & Move More

I think it goes without saying that a lot of us now lead quite sedentary lifestyles, whether that's because of health or personal circumstance, or maybe because you're stuck behind a desk all day, the plain and simple fact is that as a society we just don't move enough anymore, and that ultimately plays a part in both our mental and physical health.

One effective way to reduce and manage your stress to improve wellness is to exercise and move more. Now I know that there are people out there that love the gym, and yes I did used to be one of those people, working out to some of my favourite tunes, was at one point, a part of my life, and if you can do that great, good for you, but if the idea of leggings, and sports bras fills you full of horror then that's fine too. Do something you enjoy, if that's riding a bike with the kids, doing yoga to a You Tube video, swimming lengths at the local pool, walking the dog in the park, or blasting out your favourite tunes, and counting your steps, and the calories your burning whilst pushing a vacuum around the house, and whatever you do you'll feel a huge sense of achievement, even if that's just ticking something off your to do list.

Keep A Gratitude Journal

For someone that loves stationary and buying stickers and notebooks as much as I do I'm pretty embarrassed to say that I've never ever tried journaling, scrapbooking yet but proper journalling? no!

One good way of dealing with life stresses and strains is to put something down on paper, in the olden days it would be just a diary or maybe if you're creatively inclined a poem but nowadays it's more likely to be a journal, filled with thoughts, dreams, colour and stickers. Journals can be a great way to maintain a positive mindset, and deal with stress. One idea is a gratitude journal , where you can keep your mind focused on everything that's good in your life, and everything that's going well for you - keeping on theme will give you less room to concentrate on the negative, and what's missing or going wrong in your life. Making a point at the end of every day to write a list of good things that have happened that day and things that your thankful for will end the day on a positive and happy note, and put you in good stead for the next day.

Get Enough Sleep & Rest

I've talked so many times on this blog about the importance of a good nights sleep and it really can't be overstated just how important it really is for both our physical and mental health. If you're well rested and you've had a good nights sleep, you feel so much brighter and ready to take on whatever the world throws at you. I know it can be a double edged sword and stress and anxiety can really affect your sleep but if you try and develop a good sleep routine, it really can make all of the difference. Investing in a good mattress and comfortable pillow can make all the difference, remember you spend or you should spend more time in bed than anywhere else so don't scrimp on comfort . Try and cut down on electronic use before you go to bed, try to avoid arguments and confrontation, and then either have a bath or shower, and then have a warm drink whilst you read or listen to something calming, or fill in your journal.

Different things work for different people, so it might take you a while to find that off switch, but whether it going to a fitness class, stroking a pet, having a long soak in the bath, building a lego set, or having a jog round the block, it's so important to switch off, and try and destress and if you can't then don't be frightened or embarrassed to get professional or medical help, life doesn't have to be that hard x 

*Collaborative / Partnered Post

LouLouLand Is 17! - Wishing My Little Place On The Internet A Belated Happy Birthday

I know it's pretty obvious but over the last year or so but I've really struggled with blogging - As well as life and health getting in the way, I've struggled with engagement, and I've struggled with finding a place in this new era of quick and snappy content, but over the last month or so I've started to feel a little bit more positive about the whole thing.

Whilst I'm trying to engage more with short form platforms, I'm actually enjoying writing again, swatching products, and planning out posts, and that's what it should be about, not agonising over statistics, or constantly monitoring earnings and click throughs. That isn't to say that engagement and interaction doesn't matter, but it's not something that I'm going to stress about - you see so many influencers and content creators bragging about all the campaigns there getting but so many of us are just muddling along, keeping going not just for the 'freebies' and the £ but because we're doing something that we enjoy or even love!

17 Years ago yesterday I posted my first ever blog post, and to be honest I had no idea where it would lead me. I've worked with some amazing brands, gone to some fab events, and met some lovely people irl but above all it's given me and outlet and a purpose. Spending so much time cooped up indoors it's allowed me to escape from the everyday - it's given me something to focus on and to stop my brain turning to mush, and it's allowed me to feel part of something.

That's been even more apparent over the last couple of days by all of the lovely comments and messages I've received from people all over the world, lots of whom I've never met in person and would never have came into contact with without my blog or social media.

I guess what I'm trying to say as per usual is how grateful I am to every single person who has ever followed or subscribed to my blog or any of my social media channels, read a post, commented, or interacted in any way. I'm not saying that I wouldn't keep blogging without you but it certainly wouldn't be the same.

So thank you all for sticking with me and fingers crossed you all stick with me for another year, and if you're new welcome to my blog and I hope you'll like what you see and you'll subscribe for lots of beauty, fashion, lifestyle and 'real life' content x Thanks for being here and here's to another 17 years ;)

Tallulah 2009 - 2024

I've had this post on the back burner for a little while, and I hoped and prayed that it would be an eternity before I had to post it, but it wasn't to be, my beautiful girl passed away at home this morning.

When she came to live with us she was about the size of old fashioned powder puff, but despite her diminutive size, she was fierce, she spent most of the first 24 hours hiding, and hissing at us and our other cats at the time, Jasper and Jake, who was petrified of her.

The next day she was a different cat, still a touch wary and prone to hiding but she became a cuddlebug, a tiny ball of fluff that demanded attention and her own way, and whilst she increased slightly in size her personality never changed - she was noisy, stubborn, and probably the most jealous cat that I've ever met but she was mine and I loved her, her quirky ways and her silky black fur. beyond words. 

Tallulah

2009 - 2024

Collaborative / Partnered Post - How To Feel More Beautiful And Improve Your Self Confidence In 2024*

Hey Guys, Welcome to my first post of 2024, so I guess I should start off by wishing you all a very Happy New Year. I really hope that it's a good one for all of us, and that this is the year when all of our dreams start to come true.

Whilst I'm not a huge believer in new years resolutions and putting unnecessary pressure on myself to achieve the impossible, I do always try to set myself a few achievable goals, and tasks that I would like to achieve not just over the next 12 months, but over the course of my life in general, and some of the biggies for this year, are to try and love myself a bit more, to care for myself a bit more, and to get a bit of self confidence and self belief back.

For as long as I can remember I've suffered from low levels of confidence. You name it I've felt it, from shyness, and anxiety to extreme self loathing - self confidence has always been an issue for me. The sad thing is that I'm not alone in that a lot of people struggle with low levels of confidence, but whilst I don't think the feeling ever completely goes away, there are a few things that you can try to boost your self esteem and feel better about yourself in 2024.

Dress Well

This sounds like such a simple one but it really can make all the difference. When your feeling rubbish about yourself it's all too tempting just to just dress down and to not really try, but the way you dress can have a huge impact on how you feel about yourself and how others feel about you as well. I know it can be hard when your lacking confidence in your appearance to wear even your 'safest' outfit, but as I've said before spending time working out your own personal style, and finding clothes that fit you, and flatter you, can really make a difference, so grab the bull by the horns, own your look, and if you really want to give yourself a little self confidence boost take a little peek into your underwear drawer.

Whilst people generally won't see your underwear ;) it doesn't mean that you shouldn't use it  as a tool, to make yourself more confident, more put together and even a little bit bit sexier. Try out different types of womens briefs to see which ones you would feel confident and comfortable wearing, and get a properly fitted bra, buy yourself some cute matching sets, for that put together feel, and buy yourself fun pieces, that make you smile - even if no one ever sees it, and your just wearing something cute or matching under a comfy t-shirt and some leggings around the house, as long as you feel comfortable, and cute that's all that matters.

Therapy 

Okay, from something effective but frivolous, to something a bit more serious, therapy or counselling. It might not be the first thing you would consider when you're looking at issues with self confidence but issues with self esteem and self belief can often have quite deep rooted causes. In my case it's probably down to childhood bullying, and insecurities about my facial paralysis, but for you it could be down to past relationships, or different issues from childhood, What ever the reason talking to somebody can really help you deal with an issues that you may have, and help you move forward. A lot of people feel uncomfortable and ashamed for reaching out to a professional but this shouldn't be the case, and we really need to start breaking down that stigma, and getting the help that we need.

Posture 

This next one sounds a little strange, but it's something that I definitely need to work and that is posture.

To be honest this could be a goal in itself, but when you think about it your posture has a huge impact on your self confidence and on how you appear to others around you. If you have poor posture, and you're hunched over, trying to make yourself look small, then you’re going to look unsure of yourself and uneasy, and you're going to disappear into the crowd. People around you, especially those in the workplace or in a professional setting, will immediately assume that you don’t have confidence in what you are saying or what you are doing. This could not only have a negative impact on your professional life, but also in personal relationships. Posture is actually one of the easiest things to improve, there are loads of videos, exercises, and instructions online for you to try. Just throw in a few yoga or pilates sessions for the new year, and you could see some results in a couple of weeks.

Skin Treatment 

One of the key reasons people lack self confidence (holds my hands up!), is that they don't like what they see in the mirror, and to be honest that's a difficult one to remedy but even if you're not a fan of what you see, there are things that you can do and that you can control to help give your self confidence a boost. A big part of enhancing your natural beauty is looking after your skin. If your skin doesn’t look great and looks rough, or dull, or shiny, then it’s always going to impact how you feel about yourself. Fortunately in this day and age, a good skincare routine can make all the difference. For example, like so many of us if your skin in a bit drier at this time of year, then you might want to switch up your moisturising routine. As we get older, our skin finds it harder to retain moisture so our collagen depletes leaving our skin drier and slacker, adding in a serum or two, a facial oil or even a slightly heavier moisturiser could make all the difference, improving your skin tone and texture, and your self esteem at the same time.

So if you look in the mirror and your skin doesn't quite look how you want it too, visit a salon or a beauty counter, have a read of some blogs, or a look on social media, or in extreme cases see a dermatologist, and either switch up your current routine, or create a new skincare routine from scratch. I can't guarantee that you'll love your reflection but even as a worst case scenario, it will give you one less thing to dislike.

Improving your self confidence and self esteem won't happen overnight, but making the best of yourself, and tackling some of those underlying issues, can definitely play a part. I know it's hard but please remember you are a fabulous person, and you are as good as anyone else out there, you have as much right as anyone else to do what you like, wear what you, and to be heard and don't let anyone ever tell otherwise x Do you have any hints and tips for improving self confidence? If you do please let me know in the comments x

*Collaborative / Partnered Post

Promises, Piercings, And Pesto - Merry Christmas

Well, here we are, there's only more sleep to Christmas - the presents are wrapped, the house is *mostly* tidy, I'm showered and the new PJ's are on, and we have just consumed our traditional Christmas Eve meal of Pesto, Tomato, and Mozzarella Ciabattas, with a little glass of mulled wine on the side - I'm currently watching the Alistair Sim version of Scrooge, with the Muppet Christmas Carol up next and I thought I'd quickly write my now traditional Christmas Eve post.

I honestly don't know where the last few weeks have gone, it's been a funny few weeks here in LouLouLand, lots of cleaning, yet more bad news, and a bit of pain and exhaustion thrown in for good measure. I promised a few posts before Christmas but surprise, surprise nothing panned out the way I wanted, I prepped a lot of posts but I never managed to actually post anything so I apologise, and I promise I will have some more content up next week and lots more going on into 2024

This year me and my mas decided to go for a joint present, and get something we both wanted, so we treat ourselves to a new smart TV, and an upgraded Sky box, so I'm not really expecting a lot tomorrow especially since my mam also paid for my daith piercing changeout  (I went for a nice silver hoop), and a new conch piercing in my right ear - Again I went to the lovely Kelly, at Doc Black Ink, Metro Centre, last Monday and I honestly can't recommend her and the shop enough. It was way less painful than I anticipated but it has been a bit tender since especially behind my ear but I love it, and the slightly hidden aspect - I've definitely got the piercing bug again!

Although I love presents it really isn't about that this year, it's been another awful year, losing my uncle, and with numerous family illness and accidents, for me it's all about spending time with the people I love, I want it to be nice, and I want to have some nice memories from Christmas 2023.

You know the drill though by now, Christmas isn't always the happy time, that so many people especially on social media would have you believe, your everyday problems don't go away, and being around family, and friends, or on your own can often exacerbate and create new issues, so please, please remember you are not alone - Here is a list of useful numbers below, and I would personally also like to add Cruse Bereavement Support - 0808 808 1677

So if you're celebrating tomorrow I hope you have a very Merry Christmas, and if you're not, I hope you have a peaceful, and cheerful Monday, and I'll see you soon with a new post x 

HUDA Beauty Winner And A Life Update*

Hey Everyone x I know it's been a little while since I last posted so I thought I'd post a quick update for you x I've had a few rough weeks health wise culminating in an unexpected morning in A&E on Halloween of all days and a barrage of tests since. Thankfully there doesn't appear to be anything too sinister going on just a few new fibromyalgia symptoms, and the exacerbation of a few others - ho hum. Through in another family illness and things have been a bit rough so it goes without saying that my mind has been elsewhere. 

This year really seems to have flown by I can hardly believe we're in December already - I'm so all over the place at the moment I didn't even manage to get my hands on a chocolate advent calendar this year, but thanks to Mummy Lou I did get manage to get my hands on this years Glossybox offering, which if you're interested I'm unboxing everyday on my Instagram Stories, so don't forget to follow me on there.  Everything just seems to be upside down at the moment I've done some Christmas shopping online, and most of the decorations are up but my room needs serious deep clean, and I haven't even thought about wrapping or cards - argh!

Anyways deep breaths, no need to panic, things will work out they always do (fingers crossed anyways) and whilst I won't be posting any huge gift guides or anything like that but providing the creeks don't rise, etc. etc, I do have a few little gift ideas to share with you, as well as a few empties posts to share with you before Santa comes so don't forget to keep following my blog, or checking out my other social media channels for a heads up when new posts go live!

Now though is the moment you've all been waiting for - it's time to announce the winner of my HUDA Beauty giveaway!

I didn't have too many entries so everyone that did enter had a great chance to win, alas there can only be one winner and that winner picked randomly via Rafflecopter is...

a Rafflecopter giveaway

SOPHIE

Congratulations my love and thanks for following my on Tik Tok - I will be sending you an email asap x Thanks to everyone that entered and a big thank you to all of my new followers both on the blog and elsewhere x Thanks you all for following and reading and I will see you soon with another post x 

*This Post Contains An Added Affiliate Link

When Life Gets In The Way - Family Illness, Covid, Mould, Guttering And A Poorly Cat*

I once made a pledge on this blog to stop apologising for disappearing, repetition and lack of posting, and whilst i guess this is a bit of an apology (what can I say I'm one of those people who always says sorry even when it's not my fault!), it's more of an update and explanation as to what's been going on in my life over the last month or so and why I've been neglecting the blog.

With several bereavements and my own health struggles, it's safe to say that I'd already ranked 2023 pretty highly on the shitty year index, but throw in what's been going on over the last couple of month and it's probably at the top of the pile!

If you follow me elsewhere on social media (updated links in the sidebar if you don't), then you'll know that my mam has been pretty poorly. She was admitted into hospital towards the end of July with the same old, same old, some sort of infection, that course through her body leaving her with a raging fever and unable to walk. They did the usual, blasted her with antibiotics only this time she suffered a reaction to one of them so they had to switch it and start again, after a couple of days she was heading in the right direction, and I was preparing to go in and see her and then everything went wrong.

As is common with especially elderly people she suffered a spell of infection related delirium and confusion. To say I wouldn't wish that 24 hours or so on anyone would be an understatement. She called me and various family members multiple times alternating between crying and ranting, from seeing things that weren't there, to having no idea of where she was, to refusing treatment and not letting the hospital staff touch her - it was horrible and utterly heartbreaking  I really can't thank the staff and University Hospital Of North Durham, and my family and friends enough, and of course everyone who replied to my Instagram stories on the day. I spoke to several nurses and one doctor over the course of the day and they assured me that once they got a handle on the infection she would improve, and thankfully that's what happened. I didn't speak to her again until the next lunch time and whilst she was still confused she had much more of a grip on reality, and was cooperating with staff again, and by the time I spoke to her again that night she was nearly back to normal, although completely mortified with how she'd behaved. 

Thankfully she continued to get better, well at least until she caught covid! They weren't 100% sure if that was the cause of the original infection or whether she caught it whilst she was in hospital but thankfully bar a hacking cough, distorted taste and smell, her oxygen levels remained good, and after 11 days in hospital she was allowed home. It took her another week to test negative, and about another 3 to get back up to speed but she's doing well, she's been given some more medication for bone strength, and the hospital have been in touch with social services to get some hand rails put up outside to help with her mobility and access to the drive, and the car.

Obviously this was a major mental screw up for me, it's bad enough having one relative in hospital at once but at my godmother was also admitted in the same week, and whilst she was released after a few days it was really tough for me. On that Sunday I really felt as though I'd lost my mum, to be scared to speak to her because at that moment in time she was as far away from her normal self as it was possible to be was terrifying - thankfully as I stay I had some support at the time but dealing with it afterwards in my own head has been tough and I'm not going to lie I've struggled - but as my mam says I'm a lot stronger than I think I am, and at last I think I'm beginning to realise that.

With my mum being poorly and getting some much needed rest, I've obviously had to step it up and take on all of the tasks that need to be done on a daily basis in order to keep a house running smoothly, so given that my physical and mental health sap so much of my energy as it is, I've pretty much been running on empty, but you know why not kick someone when there down!

For a little while I'm been smelling a sort of musty smell in my bedroom, sort of like damp, so eventually admitted defeat and investigated only to find a patch of mould on the wall - arghhhhhh! so everything to be moved to I could treat it and if you have any mould in your house be it on the walls, or bathroom tiles then you need to get this stuff from Amazon, it makes your house smell like a swimming pool but it was gone without any scrubbing or effort in less than an hour, and my shower tiles are now gleaming as well! We knew we had an issue with the guttering so we got someone out to have a look at it and it's much worse than we anticipated - it's leaked under the fascia and into the cavity wall, and the roof joists hence the patches of mould in various other rooms in the house - it never rains but it pours literally! Bye bye several grand grrrr!

Oh yes, I almost forgot, the title of this post also mentioned a poorly cat, well if all of that wasn't enough, Charlie developed some sort of infection in his gums, so after a few days of hiding, hissing, and not eating, a antibiotic jab, and a course of oral anti-inflammatories, and antibiotics, and some special dental food, and a pretty little vet bill, he's thankfully eating and back to his fluffy self - phew!

So hopefully that explains my absence, I've been so mentally and physically drained that I just wasn't up to blogging, or doing pretty much anything else come to think about it, but (touches every bit of wood in the house and crosses my fingers very tightly!) hopefully the stars are realigning and things are returning to normal or whatever normal is, so I should be able to start getting a few more posts up, starting with an empties catch up later this week x 

Again a huge thank you to all of you who've contacted me on social media over the last month or so and thanks again for sticking with me x 

*This Post Contains An Affiliate And A Non Affiliate Link